Welcome Home Pip - For The Moment, Anyway

Daisy Badger (Pip Archer)

Sometimes David doesn’t know when to stop, does he? Both he and Rooooth want Pip to Leave Lower Loxley and come back to Rickyard and she says that she will, but not immediately. David can’t leave it alone and keeps on at her, until she snaps at him and tells him “It’s doing my head in - just leave it, yeah?”

That was on Wednesday and, on Friday, Pip decides to make the move. However, her car won’t start (a sign, surely?) and Elizabeth offers to take her and her stuff back to Brookfield. The pair are in the kitchen at Rickyard and there is a knock on the door. Pip asks who it can be and Lizzie says it’s probably someone wanting to welcome Pip home. Indeed it is, it’s Jill and she has brought some beef stew to warm them up.

Halfway through eating, Pip gets up and rushes out. An anxious Elizabeth follows her and asks what’s wrong? Pip has been sick - is it a bug? Pip says not and tells her aunt “It’s why I’ve been tired and irritable - I think I’m pregnant.”

Well, if that is the case, it couldn’t have come at a more inconvenient time, really, as Pip is supposed to be overseeing the expansion of the dairy herd and redesigning the milking parlour and, to be honest, having a child isn’t going to help either of those. Then there is the question of who is the father. Pip has been seeing a bit of Alfie recently, but how far gone is she? There is a possibility that Toby could be the father, as it’s not that long since he and Pip split up. If this should be the case, a lot of people are going to be unhappy (including me, because I thought we were finally shot of him).

If he should be the father and is persuaded to do the decent thing by Pip, Rooooth and David will be ever so slightly incandescent and as for Jill - well, I think we can safely say that Pip will have had her last beef stew brought round. Imagine - suppose it should lead to marriage, then David’s father of the bride speech will probably be along the lines of ‘I’m not gaining a son-in-law, but losing a daughter’. The welcome home mood will be out the window too.

Of course, there is the possibility that Alfie could be the father (Pip told Elizabeth that he’s very nice, but we don’t know how far the relationship has progressed). In the past, it hasn’t taken her long to be making the beast with two backs (Matthew and Toby to name but two) so Alfie could be in the frame. If it should be him, then he might even get a speaking part.

Freddie continues to be an annoying little sod and argues violently with Elizabeth about his (and Lily’s) birthday. Elizabeth tells him that there’s no way he can go abroad during term time, so forget it. He shouts at her and goes into a massive sulk and this row took place in front of Noluthando. Elizabeth tells her that she’s sorry she had to witness such an unpleasant scene and tells Freddie that they can continue their conversation when he has calmed down.

Elizabeth leaves and Freddie appeals to Noluthando - surely she agrees with him that Elizabeth is a mega-loser? Actually, she doesn’t and tears into an astonished Freddie, saying that Elizabeth cares for him and would he rather have a mother like Kate, who doesn’t really care and makes a few Skype calls when she remembers? Nolly says that Kate knows nothing about what she (Nolly) wants and the reason that her brother Sipho didn’t come to the UK with her is that he cannot stand his mother. “When are you going to stop being such a moaning, whingeing brat?” Nolly asks Freddie, adding: “You’re nothing but a spoilt rich kid who doesn’t even know he’s born!” before leaving the room angrily. I must admit that Nolly went up in my estimation after that speech.

Later on in the week, Lily talks to Freddie and suggests that he stops being so confrontational with Elizabeth and she has a plan that should make everybody happy. This, it turns out, is for there to be a family tea on their birthday, as Elizabeth wants, but the twins want a party at The Bull Upstairs on the Sunday. They will have broken up for the holidays and they don’t want any family members there, apart from Kenton and Jolene, of course. Lily promises that they won’t do anything stupid and Freddie agrees.

Elizabeth isn’t sure, but realises that this is probably the best she is going to get and she finally gives in. We learn later from Lily that Jolene has agreed and who is Freddie going to invite? He names some of the cool guys and Lily asks “what about Noluthando?” Freddie isn’t sure that she will want to come, but Lily is confident she will say ‘yes’ and urges her twin to ask her.

I can’t help feeling that the magic mushrooms will make an appearance at this party and it will all go nads up somehow, with Freddie doing something stupid. Of course, I may be wrong and the fact that he is now - in age at least - technically an adult may bring on a new attitude of grown-up responsibility, but I wouldn’t wager an awful lot of money on it - we are talking Nigel’s son here, remember, plus past experiences do not give us any great grounds for optimism.

We come now to the on-going, will they, won’t they saga of the relationship between Justin Elliott and Lilian. Lilian appears to be in denial and tells everybody that the wedding is still going ahead; why shouldn’t it? Neither Brian nor Jennifer can get hold of Justin or Lilian and Brian is concerned, because the press are starting to link BL with the scam perpetrated by Melling Equestrian Investments. There will be an emergency board meeting of BL on Friday and Brian blames it all on Lilian, saying that reporters might dig up all sorts of things.

Jennifer is more concerned about her sister - where can she be? Eventually Jen tracks her down to The Bull, where she is involved in a flaming row with Joe and Eddie, having overheard them saying that it looks like Justin is the number one suspect for Matt’s hit-and-run. Jennifer tells Lilian that she is coming back to Home Farm (Brian will be pleased) and, later, when discussing the situation, Brian tells his wife about Lilian’s affair with Matt’s half brother, Paul. We have said in the past that Jennifer isn’t the quickest when it comes to sussing out things sexual or romantic going on under her nose and she proves it again when she says that she cannot believe it of Lilian.

On Thursday, Lilian confesses that she is missing Ruby and that she needs to get a change of clothes, so she visits the Dower House. As she leaves, Brian says “The sooner you two sit down and sort this out, the better - for all of us.” At the Dower House, Lilian runs into Justin and the meeting turns acrimonious. In vain does Lilian insist that she never slept with Matt and Justin says “Having affairs is clearly second nature with you”, adding that that is how she and Justin got together in the first place. This is a bit rich, as Justin asked her to be his mistress and, as Lilian points out, it was Justin that was breaking marriage vows, not her.

Lilian returns to Home Farm, where Brian, not very diplomatically, tells her that she looks terrible. Lilian breaks down in tears and tells him that she fears that she has lost Justin. Brian says that we all make mistakes and look at him and Jennifer - he treated her badly; Siobhan, Ruiari (fortunately he doesn’t list all his indiscretions or the episode would have to be an hour long) and he and Jennifer are still together.

To be frank, if I had to compile a list of people to give me advice on relationships, Brian would not be very near the top. However, it seems that he could be the village’s new Agony Aunt, as on Friday, after the emergency BL board meeting, Justin thanks him for looking after his back recently, and admits that he has taken his eye off the ball. The pair lunch at The Feathers and Justin says that Latif (who was stung by the scam) is not happy with Lilian. While Latif accepts that Lilian had nothing to do with the scam, he feels that she has been tarnished by her relationship with Matt. Justin tells Brian that his Decree Absolute arrived in today’s post, as did numerous wedding RSVPs. He is now free to marry the woman of his dreams “But I think I might have made a bad choice there.”

Brian tells him how upset Lilian was after her row with Justin and how she was adamant that she never slept with Matt “and I’m inclined to believe her.” Justin says that he feels utterly humiliated, but the stupid thing is that he doesn’t think that he can live without her - she makes him feel truly alive. He doesn’t know what to do. For a successful businessman, Justin seems unable to make a decision and Brian reminds him that, whatever he decides, he’d better make it soon, as the wedding is in three weeks. “You’re absolutely right,” Justin replies, “I really have got to make a decision, haven’t I?” Alleluia and give that man a coconut! Now get on with it as we are all getting bored with this.

Alan is having trouble casting the panto and, for something that is designed to pull the village together, it seems to be doing the opposite, Alan cons PCB into taking the part of a prince and Fallon is co-opted as princess and she is not happy about it. The first rehearsal is marred by the pair bickering - so much for the season of goodwill. Even the panto horse people cannot decide who should be the front half. Alan cannot find anyone to play the bad fairy. He’s asked everybody; but wait - there is someone; Lynda. She protests that she is too busy and the Rev Franks launches a campaign of flattery and blackmail, telling Lynda that “You are the glue in our community. Without you, this year’s Ambridge pantomime is not going to happen - it’s as simple as that.”

Lynda notes that Alan is using her own tactics against her, but is powerless to resist and she agrees to be the bad fairy. However, she has one or two requests. The first of these is the script - she would prefer the version that she wrote - and the second thing is the casting, for which she has some suggestions. She tells him that she also has strategies for rehearsals “But don’t worry - I won’t tread on your toes. Come on, let’s put the cast through their paces, shall we?” Alan can only respond weakly “We?”

You will be delighted to know that the Council approved the planning permission for the Bridge Farm development and Emma is delighted - she is convinced that she and Ed will be able to have a house of their own. They now only need to save another £13k in 21 months. Impossible, says Ed, but Emma is determined. “We can do it” she says, but she’s a bit light on details of exactly how. We’ll see.