Buffy Davis (Jolene Perks)
Jolene's attempt at giving up the weed took a bit of a blow when temptress Lilian gave her a packet of fags, with the rather convoluted logic that, if Jolene has ciggies available when she feels the craving, then she won't want to smoke. Is Lilian descended from the Garden of Eden serpent, we ask ourselves?
Later on in the week, Jolene goes into the village shop to ask for ciggies and Lynda refuses to serve her, on Kenton's orders. This seems a novel approach to business – stocking a product and only selling it to selected customers, but perhaps things are so good at the shop that they can afford to turn away business. I'm surprised that Kenton hasn't tied Jolene hand and foot and parked her in the pub cellar while she goes Cold Turkey.
Jolene's temper is not improved by Jamie's behaviour – out on the lash until 5am, missing his shifts at the Bull (shifts that he was desperate to have, don't forget) and not sleeping at the pub or at Kathy's for two nights. What an opportunity missed! Jolene and Kathy could both have had the locks changed while he was AWOL – that would have sorted the moody little sod out. Failing that, playing brass band music at high volume outside his door when he's trying to catch up on his sleep would have been fun. Jolene is not impressed and makes him promise to toe the line (ha!). She should have asked him for his £10 keep.
Meanwhile, Jolene is packing for Monte Carlo – a small bag of clothes and no doubt a suitcase each of fags, nicotine patches and extra-strong mints, while Kenton is just taking the handcuffs along.
From the Weed to weeds – if you aren't a gardener, then Tuesday's episode wasn't for you, as we had the recording of Gardeners' Question Time. Joe tried to stop Vicky asking her question about propagating mistletoe by locking her out of the hall and saying that the door had stuck. A resourceful Vicky climbed in through the kitchen window and asked her question, which revealed that Joe's mistletoe propagation service was a load of tosh.
How come Joe isn't regularly tarred and feathered and left on the village green? He's always trying something on and it never works. Why didn't all the people who had paid good money for his dubious services frogmarch him down to the village pond and chuck him in? That would have shown the GQT team how seriously the people of Ambridge take their gardening and perhaps made Joe lay off the scams for a while.
Joe was at it again at the Book Club, having seen the wrong DVD and not having read the book, while steadily working his way through Jim Lloyd's wine rack and hoovering up the food. Down to the duckpond again, says I! In fact, it could become a daily or weekly ritual and one of which I would heartily approve.
After the GQT recording, Vicky has another foot-in-gob moment when she mentions to Lynda that Roy will be leaving Grey Gables. Lynda immediately updates her CV and stalks Caroline to let her know of her interest in taking over from Roy. Tough luck, Lynda! Caroline has decided to do it herself because thinking of the challenges gave her a buzz. Not good news for Oliver, who had been hoping that the buzz would come from travelling the world together now he's retired. "I'm not ready for retirement yet" says a newly-energised Caroline, tactfully not adding "unlike you, you old git".
Peggy seems to have come round to Elona's point of view that having a cup of tea with Ted is not just one step away from adultery. She even agrees to go along to the talk he's putting together for his U3A meeting. Good for you, Peggy – get in there!
A storyline that fails to have me riveted is "the mystery of the falling milk yields". Yes – milk yields at Brookfield are way down on what they should be and David is at a loss to explain it. So worried is he that he isn't really listening to his mother banging on about being inspired after the GQT session.
Jill then goes to talk to Shula. For a mother, she has a low opinion of her children sometimes; particularly Kenton, as she wonders to Shula whether Jolene's current stress might be Kenton-related. Let's see – Jolene is having to deal with a teenager who doesn't come in till the early hours of the morning (or sometimes stays away all night) and, when he does deign to make an appearance, he looks like death warmed up and munches aspirins like sweeties. On top of this, she hasn't had her usual quota of nicotine for a number of days and is having Kathy be nice to her – I would submit that that's more than enough stress to be going on with.