Sunday, 21 February 2010

A Lucky Escape?

Piers Wehner (Jude)

So, Annette has finally come to her senses and legged it for Sheffield. The only question is "is that far enough?" Given Helen's limpet-like tendency to cling on to her, I reckon Annette will be lucky if Helen doesn't visit her every weekend.

In what must surely be the most stupid question of the week, Helen asked Brenda "Do you think I'm crowding her?" As this was shortly after Helen had suggested that Annette eat something (giving her the choice of about 14 things) or go for a walk, or go and listen to an acoustic music set, finally deciding that what they both need is a break, somewhere sunny and isn't Spain nice? the honest answer would probably involve bears and woods.

However, Annette probably doesn't realise that she has had a narrow and very lucky escape, as Helen also told Brenda: "…she's turning in on herself, that's why I'm worried – that's exactly how Greg started to behave." I put it to you, m'lud that now we know the real reason why Greg topped himself – he probably couldn't cope any longer with a constant stream of suggestions about what to do that afternoon and queries about how he likes his eggs boiled. Had he turned the gun on Helen instead of himself, I doubt there's a jury in the land that would have found him guilty.

So, farewell Annette, but as one tart disappears, it seems that another, fledgling tartlet has appeared on the scene. Of course, I am referring to the uber-annoying Pip, who was seen by David and Ruth kissing her new beau Jude. When David found out that Jude was 28, he reacted in his usual, considered, calm fashion; almost threatening to rip Jude's arms off and beat him to death with the soggy ends.

"You're only 16!" he yelled at Pip. "I'm nearly 17!" she shouted back. Oh well, that makes all the difference. Ironic, isn't it, that it was David and Ruth who were so keen to convince Pip to hang on in there and give college life another try? As they watch their daughter leap into Jude's convertible BMW, dressed in little more than a belt and a couple of handkerchiefs, they must be reflecting on the truth of the old adage: "be careful what you wish for…"